sparkle.

neon_streets @ 2008-08-21T21:49:00

2008-08-22T01:51:25Z

i pride myself on generally being a fairly rational person, BUT YOU ARE MAKING ME WANT TO BANG MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL IN FRUSTRATION.

or rather, bang your head against the wall.

hard.

neon_streets @ 2008-08-09T12:29:00

2008-08-09T16:30:35Z

last night was great. and,

i proved to myself that i can pretend he's dead even when he's in the room.

and i am proud.

hymns of the defeated.

2008-07-30T22:07:57Z

There was a rainbow after dark last night, like
another betrayal, and I want my poetry back,
to rewrite every line where I ever loved you
[so many lies between the
syllables--
I am learning to distance myself with third person pronouns.]
so, we were defeated before we
even began, because I have ten years of recorded personal history
that says I'm used to broken hearts, and
I've learned better than that-- baby,
when you came home,
I was already gone.

yogabikeworkclasspaintwritedrinksmokesleeprepeat.

2008-06-10T17:19:52Z

underground.
there's something not right, but
i am rediscovering me, who is kind of angry all the time, and
feeling abandoned and
raw in soft places.

but constant aggravation teaches me to be content with
simple things. is teaching me to be content with simple things.
[i know simple is where pleasure's supposed to lie, but will it always
be that, and only that? i am learning to love the grandiose for the ways in which
i cannot procure it.]

no.
the simple things to distract are all i need right now--a certain kind of
thoughtless joyful monotony to get by.

i wanna be brave, cause when i'm brave other people feel brave

2008-04-29T10:09:12Z

but right now i feel like my heart is caving in.

man, i. am. so. fucked.

yep.

there i go again.

2008-04-08T15:18:49Z

http://thatbeautifulday.tumblr.com

[internet whore.]

neon_streets @ 2008-03-21T08:10:00

2008-03-21T12:10:30Z

what the hell what the hell what the hell what the hell.

here is the church, here is the steeple--we sure are cute for two ugly people

2008-02-13T12:18:50Z

[i don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you.]

sleep hours are backwards, i need to move to the other side of the world.
[restless. i need something big.]

--nostalgic. always.--
(if i could make this place feel like it used to, then
there'd be no need to leave.)

music all the time lately.
mixed up sleep makes me lonely. (i am sleeping while everyone functions.
i am doing things while everyone sleeps.)

neon_streets @ 2008-02-08T10:32:00

2008-02-08T15:37:53Z

nostalgic lately.

there are things and these are those things.

sitting in a bar drinking yoohoo on a thursday evening. journey on the jukebox. my favorite.
(i can't wait for will to be 21.)

i remember
4am walks, with
more and more frequency.

pulled up the pictures last night, and
missed the feelings. the feelings of independence.

that was nice. what happened? (i got old.)

remember when all of this was fun?
(oh baby baby it's a wild world. it's hard to get by just upon a smile.)

it still is fun, though. just different than... i mean, who would've imagined all the different people i would meet in school? it's weird. i wish i could have it all at once, but it came in stages.

really, i just want to go back home and crawl back into bed with my boyfriend.

neon_streets @ 2008-01-31T04:41:00

2008-01-31T09:57:48Z

skipped all my classes and slept for 18 hours yesterday, so i'm feeling a little bit better. probably won't go home this weekend, hopefully won't freak out and drop my classes. have a paper due for rasula today, nowhere near done, even though jeremey and i have both been spending the past couple of afternoons staring fruitlessly at our laptops in my livingroom. hate to say it, but i'm almost-tired of bullshit papers that i get okay grades on simply because i'm okay at writing dense but comprehensible prose about the theoretical correlation between art and poetry. but i really like dr. rasula. he reminds me of my dad.

but man, what am i even doing, getting an english degree?

anyway.
work's been alright, tonight. felt bad, i had to call and drag the morris RA on duty out of bed at like 4:30. it's too bad i can't check out morris hall keys up here, or i would've just had the girl who was locked out come over to me. no one should have to get up this early. security actually called me about it, i think. or campus police, one. so the girl must've been having a pretty rough night.

demosthenian later? have to admit, they're kind of driving me batty, and i'm still sort of ill. i'd like to go for a drink beforehand, but i'm too poor. and come to think of it, drinking probably was a contributing factor to my cold in the first place.

neon_streets @ 2008-01-29T04:00:00

2008-01-29T09:09:50Z

sicksicksicksick.
and i know i need to get a good night's sleep, but the sick is giving me nightmares, nightmares that are long and drawn out and half awake and sweaty, so that i'm almost relieved when it's 2AM and i have to get up to go to work. then, at work, though, every part of me aches. and i should be using this time to get my homework done, but i hate it. i've been pretty down lately, first my wrist and then this awful cold. school's been bad. i'm thinking about withdrawing from a couple of classes, just because i've gotten off to such a rough start.

bah.

i think i might go home this weekend.

neon_streets @ 2008-01-24T13:15:00

2008-01-24T18:17:23Z

my clothing situation is getting kind of desperate. I really just need to buy some generic white t-shirts and call it a day, because i look like a hobo.

new job is good, boy is good, writing is okay, school is passable.

stuff.

2008-01-18T21:06:29Z

There isn't much. Still trying to adjust myself to the weird sleep pattern I've imposed. It's both easier and harder than I expected it to me.

Stayed out way too late last night (demosthenian, drinking at walker's, kevin's house). Missed my first class this morning, but overall, worth it--I haven't been able to enjoy an evening like that in a long time. (The colors: amber, dark brown, baby blue)

I bought a new dress today. It matches my memory. I will wear it tonight when I go to dinner and catch up with Michelle (so glad she's back from her year of world traveling!) and then happy hour. Good to catch up.

Tomorrow--a benefit party for my roommate's dog, so M can take her in and figure out why she's having siezures. I'm thinking of making a website to sell my painting and donate a percentage of the proceeds to the dog. It worries me that she's not really eating though. To that end, we played a game today. It's called "Look, Lily, here's this delicious food. It's on a plate and I am pretending to eat it, even though it looks suspiciously like dog food. No, you cannot have any, but I will accidentally leave it on the floor by this chair here, simulating forgetful dish leaving habits." It worked pretty well. She's just getting so skinny, it worries me.

But for now, laundry. Reading for Apocalyptic Literature... Reading for Lit. and the Arts. Lots of reading, all the time--
Reading for geology. Funny, I never thought I'd like learning about rocks more than learning about languages. But I think that speaking Italian will never be for me. Or at least, if I don't stop sleeping through Italian class.

neon_streets @ 2008-01-14T15:15:00

2008-01-14T20:21:25Z

i wish you could build up sleep reserves. like, for example, i slept a full twelve hours on friday night. in a perfect world, this would be transferable, and i could save say, a block of four hours to tack onto the four hours of sleep i might get tonight, thus giving me a fully rested eight hours in four hours time.

or really, i just wish sleep were not a necessary function.

i spent all day trying to think sleepy thoughts, so i could go to bed as soon as i got home today. well not as soon as, but shortly after, because i have to be at work at 3am. unfortunately, i forgot that i have a meeting for work at 7 tonight. not too bad, but i was still wishing to be in bed by 7-ish....

whatever. i just hope i enjoy this new job as much as i hope i will. but it doesn't seem too bad: sit at a desk with my laptop, my homework, my pleasure reading. i can usually amuse myself with that stuff late into the night anyway.

i'm just going to need lots of rockstars.

neon_streets @ 2008-01-03T01:06:00

2008-01-03T06:07:37Z

I am grateful for:
abeeda.
and alcohol.

i got my feelings sort of hurt tonight.
and then the fucking power went out.
in my room.
only.
which means no space heater.
i might die.

neon_streets @ 2007-12-31T21:11:00

2008-01-01T02:11:22Z

another year and i'm glad i made it.

maybe i can do this afterall.

3 days till christmas.

2007-12-24T04:44:55Z

done nothing but park myself in front of the tv today, in leggings and a sweater i stole from darsie. set myself up with the remote, a book, a magazine, my phone, a bag of chips and a pizza, and watched the "Cold Case" marathon, and then the "What Not to Wear" marathon. took a nap in the chair, and every so often moved from chair to couch and back again, just to get the blood flowing. i just now left the living room and television, actually. to park in front of my computer.

no really, i am a true waste of space. I have watched more tv in the past few days than i've watched all year, and it's pathetic.

anyway. paul and i tried to go out last night, pretty much unsuccessfully, because there's nothing to do here anyway. went to cool beans, but it was not the usual 'lets take our books and go read at a coffee shop' experience--someone take the mike away from the guy singing praise songs and butchering old classics? please? made a plan to hit all the old, bad museums in m-town and take some bad touristy pictures with disposable cameras--you know, the kind of pictures where half of the historic sign is illegible because one of us is standing in front of it wearing a visor and a fanny pack.
top on the list is the 'gone with the wind' museum downtown. yes. because i really want to buy a melly doll to go with the scarlett and rhett dolls my family bought me when i was eight...

hah! thought i was kidding! no, but really, i have scarlett and rhett still. i just bet melly would be too expensive, and i think my sister lost ashley already.
what a quandary, i tell you.

in retrospect (a really long entry)

2007-12-18T21:01:31Z

This Semester:
ENGL 4330 (Teague): B+
ENGL 4790 (Rosenbaum): B
ITAL 1002 (Antonelli): B-
HIST 2112 (Hamilton): A-
ARST 2200 (Moore): B

In retrospect, I'm thrilled in some aspects and not in others. I can't believe I actually made a B in Italian (yeah, it's a B-. Who fucking cares? HOPE doesn't look at the +/- shit). But I'm really bummed I made a B in 4790 (I think it had something to do with a careless attendance error on my part, plus me being super careless and forgetting about turning in a response paper. dammit.) And while I'm happy that I made an excellent comeback from the midterm in 4330, I just wish i had kicked it up a notch higher.

But whatever, this semester has been alright and now it's over. I've finally gotten around to getting a new job, and everything else in life couldn't be better.

anyway,

Next Semester:
ENGL 4770: 20th Century American Poetry (Rosenbaum)
ENGL 4895: Topics; Literature and the Arts (Rasula)
RELI 4040: Apocolyptic Literature (Larocca-Pitt)
GEOL 1121: something to do with rocks (Roden)
ITAL 2001: Intermediate Italian (STAFF)

i think my schedule looks pretty good for next year, and my new job is hopefully going to be conductive to sitting and reading a lot.

finished christmas shopping yesterday. picked up some dominoes for my mom, a bad movie (Matrix: Reloaded) for my sister, a bad cd (linkin park?) for my brother, a box of health bars and some diet coke for my dad, and cranium for will, to go with the ipod speakers i already gave him. Have to say that i'm somewhat disheartened by the siblings and their poor choice in music/books, but may as well get them what they asked for, as last year's results were a mixed bag. Jess loved the cds I bought her (Regina Spektor, and... well, I don't remember the other one) but Ryan hated "The Outsiders" (that's the last time I buy him something relevant and interesting in hopes of forming a good sibling bond.) My dad is always impossible to buy for. last year I picked him up a book on St. Simon and Jekyll Island. I'm not sure if he liked it or not, but he always seems to appriciate the effort. This year I just picked him up what he spends the most money on anyway. those health bars are expensive! Mom picked out her dominoes, so i know she'll like them, and will already really liked the ipod speakers (I gave them to him during finals week, so he could listen to his music), so i'm kind of coasting on earlier glory.

Other than that, Marietta's been good, if a bit dull. Meghan and I saw the Modest Mouse/Shins show on Sunday, and that was pretty awesome. ran into some childhood friends, etc. The Shins were predictably good (they played a short set, though--i enjoyed it more the last time i saw them) and Modest Mouse was excellent, though i was sort of dissapointed by the lack of an encore. I always prefer seeing shows in smaller venues anyway. Gwinnett arena is never what i have in mind. (Speaking of smaller venues--Ani DiFranco! 40 Watt! March!! woohoo!!!) But I've been enjoying the fact that, even if i wanted to, i still probably couldn't think of anything i needed to do.

yay.

woohoo!

2007-12-16T16:56:21Z

grey day. i was too cold to leave bed for a while this morning.

going home!! excited about that, which is a new one. but my mom called this morning from my favorite restaurant to tell me that my dad found my lost box of nerd-books (which i packed away to hide forever, but panicked at the thought of losing...) and that he wants me to know that it was him that located it. I miss my family. I'm tired of being in athens for a while. I want a break from thinking about how i'm supposed to feed myself and whether i can turn the heat on and who am i going to hang out with when i'm bored tonight. i'm going to go home and make christmas treats and read star wars books and bug my siblings all break, because i fucking can.

things are really good. new job. no worries about school. going home. happy. :)

neon_streets @ 2007-12-13T17:47:00

2007-12-13T22:46:59Z

man i can't wait till this week is over.

left my phone at will's. which wouldn't bug me except that i just ordered food and they always call me cause something is wrong or they can't find my house, and now i haven't got my phone so my food won't come but i didn't think about that until after i ordered.

boo.

final #2 and 10 page paper today. check.

i'm tired. but i need to study for history.

neon_streets @ 2007-12-06T15:09:00

2007-12-06T20:10:07Z

things are okay.

better than i expected, anyways.

neon_streets @ 2007-11-06T12:21:00

2007-11-06T17:24:39Z

i think i've forgotten how to write.
nothing.

i think i've forgotten how to do anything but sleeeeeep.
which is pretty much all i seem to do anymore--for the past two days, i've gone to bed before 10. it's not like i'm overextending myself. it's not like i'm even sleepy. my body is just tired and it likes me to be still a lot, so i just sleep to shut it up.

tonight, though, i have to write a paper. which will combine my two worst problems, that of forgetting how to write everything from creatively to intellectually and that of, well, i'd rather be asleep.

mmmm sleeeeep.

neon_streets @ 2007-11-05T16:42:00

2007-11-05T21:43:26Z

headache-y.

<3 will.

oh irony.

2007-11-02T03:35:03Z

i need to stop procrastinating.

neon_streets @ 2007-10-30T12:10:00

2007-10-30T16:11:27Z

i love the cold. my new jacket reminds me of the secret garden--i wear it with a scarf and mittens, and feel like something magical will happen, or snow.

fell down today. scraped the hell out of my knee.

when did i get so broke, by the way? goddamn.